Most people consider exchanging gifts with white elephants an excuse to give away unopened gifts and dump unwanted trash, but they’re a lot more fun if you put extra effort into causing trouble. Trust us – Digital Trends Human Resources actually forced us to stop our annual white elephant replacement because it got too wild a few years ago. To help you make a splash at your Christmas party this year, we’ve put together this short list of the best white elephant gift ideas the world has ever seen. Enjoy!
Sugar-free Haribo gummy bears
If you haven’t read the Amazon reviews on these gummy bears, stop doing what and have a look around right now. Did you do it? Well, if not, here’s the roundup: These bears are made with a type of artificial sugar that is known to cause explosive diarrhea in certain people. We’re not saying your friends and / or co-workers are guaranteed to piss their pants, but there is a chance it will. Also, don’t forget to wear brown pants to the party in case you get stuck with your own gift.
Buy from Amazon
This one burns slowly. At first people will laugh and get nostalgic about the singing bass that captured America’s heart in the winter of ’99. Whoever lands on the bass then presses the button excitedly, flips through Billy’s songs a few times and then inevitably puts it on his desk. Then everyone in the office has to listen to “Take Me To The River” and “Dont Worry Be Happy” at least 12 times a day for the next few weeks – which will most likely lead to someone freaking out and opening up the “Office Space printer scene” on Billy, which resulted in a hilarious conflict resolution meeting with HR.
Buy from Amazon
These things are brilliant. They are essentially customizable masks made from an elastic fabric and designed to slide over your head. You can put anyone’s face on top and then wear that face over your own face. It’s incredibly hilarious and is guaranteed to make all of your coworkers pee in their pants laughing – especially if you can put a face on your boss.
Buy from Firebox
I don’t know what the single-use film cameras are all about, revealing the debauchery in people, but for some reason they’re a surefire way of getting everyone to do their worst at the party. There’s only something about a limited number of shots you can take (as well as the inability to review or delete what is caught) that seems to encourage people to do outrageous and misguided things for the camera. No matter who receives this gift, there is an almost 100 percent chance that by the end of the night all 27 shots on both cameras will be used up and the resulting photos will be epically bad in the best sense of the word.
Buy from Amazon
For those of you who are not trending with the latest trends in ridiculously spicy foods, the Carolina Reaper is currently the hottest pepper in the world. On average, these nasty little bastards averaged a whopping 1.64 million on the Scoville heat scale – meaning they’re about 656 times hotter than the average jalapeño. This jerky is full of it, and I guarantee once it’s unpacked the macho man in your office will stand up and offer to be the guinea pig. What Bronson McBruiserfist does not realize is that, unlike other spicy foods, you can’t really gulp and swallow jerky food without chewing it. You have to let it sit in your mouth for a while for it to soften, so this stuff will almost certainly ruin anyone who eats it.
Pro tip: For extra fun, glue the lid to half a gallon of milk with superglue and place it in your gift box.
Questionable legal fireworks
The great thing about living in America is that everything is for sale all the time, including fireworks. Even if your state’s laws prohibit online ordering and overseas imports, you can usually get your hands on Roman candles across state lines – and with the right amount of rum-flavored eggnog, hopefully your party guests will start to think that it is a good idea to light a few of them in the parking lot.
The holiday fun package
ingredients: A 40-ounce bottle of Olde English, a pack of Marlboro cigarettes, some magnum condoms, a handful of bottle rockets, a pack of powdered donuts, a miniature American flag, and a roll of duct tape.
instructions: Glue all the ingredients together as randomly as possible and wrap them in a tattered paper sack. Despite the crappy presentation, this gift is always a crowd puller. People will argue about it, and it will help you identify the fun people in your office.
Shake weight
Even though it’s been a few years old, the Shake Weight is still one of the best gag gifts money can buy. Why? Because it makes anyone who uses it look like they’re training for the 2022 Wank Olympics. You should have your phone ready to record the test run that inevitably comes after Doug from the accounting department runs into too much peppermint liquor.
Buy from Walmart
Do you know VistaPrint? The company that sells affordable, customizable business cards? As it turns out, they also sell super-affordable, fully customizable calendars. That means you can get one with nothing but all of the drunk selfies you took with your cat last weekend and then force someone to keep it on their desk for a year.
Buy from VistaPrint
Shock Potato is basically a modern reinterpretation of the classic children’s game Hot Potato. The only difference is that instead of using an overheated root vegetable, you are throwing a small plastic ball that randomly electrocutes an unfortunate person. Just be sure good old pacemaker Jim isn’t going along with it. That could end badly.
Buy from Amazon
I can almost guarantee that nothing will spice up your stuffy Christmas party like your boss pronounces the phrase “testicular torsion” and then ask the HR manager what that means. Nothing brings people together like a card game that encourages dirty and offensive humor.
Buy from Amazon
T-shirt with your face on it
Thanks to modern technology, you can screen-print your big, ugly mug onto a t-shirt and have it delivered to your doorstep in less than a week. The poor SOB that gets stuck on it will either wear it like a champ or drop it off at the nearest thrift store – after that, it will likely be bought by a hipster and, ironically, worn for years. Either way, you win.
It doesn’t matter if it’s nobody’s birthday – this card is the perfect start to a Christmas party. After opening, the card plays an annoying “Happy Birthday” song at maximum volume until you either destroy the loudspeaker or the battery is empty – whichever comes first. It runs about three hours before the battery runs out, and it’s designed to withstand water damage, leaving your gift recipient with no choice but to smash it or light it on fire.
Buy from Firebox
Editor’s recommendations
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